A True Helper

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This Blog has been edited in places and audio added 19/03/2021

Now the Lord God said, “It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him—a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him.”

Genesis 2:18 (AMP)

Today we want to celebrate the amazing qualities that God magnifies in women. Husband, as you work out your role of headship and are looking to God for your help, there is good news. Your help may appear in many forms, but the greatest deposit of it is already sharing your life. There are times when you will need to call out for supernatural help, but most of the time the help you need is your wife. She is a physical help who partners with you and has full access to the promises of God through Christ Jesus. This woman, although physically weaker than you is mighty in power. Her spiritual strength and ability to intercede for you is enough to put armies to flight. Everything in her that cares, protects and supports has been magnified. If you are graceful to her, she will be a true helper.

Wives do not have a clearly defined role as husbands do. As a ‘helper’, the wife’s role is to share the tasks of life as agreed together as a couple and to help her husband by allowing him to be responsible to Christ. She supports him physically and spiritually whenever he needs that support to perform his love and service to her and to God. In truth, a husband will need the help of his wife most of the time to balance him. Spouses end up doing the same thing for each other; serving and sacrificing - the husband in headship and the wife as a powerful support.

This article opened with a reference to Genesis 2:18. The amplified version helps to explain how to interpret the word helper. In Hebrew the word is ‘ezer’; the fullness of this word conveys far more than simply help or support, it suggests an ideal partner who is complimentary. Ezer also implies ‘strength’ and ‘power’, and it is used in the Old Testament with reference to God himself as our source of help.

Wives can do anything if husbands allow them to flourish. Sometimes a husband will just misunderstand his role and try to manage his wife and apply controls to everything she does. A godly husband will always allow his wife to fulfil all of her potential by supporting her ambitions and encouraging her. Equally, a gracious wife will support her husband to be a man after God’s own heart. It’s all about learning, sharing and growing together. Some refer to the Bible and think that women were subjected to inequality because it talks about submission and honouring husbands. The truth is that whenever a wife honours her husband, she is honouring Christ himself. One who honours and respects their spouse is not weak or lacking strength. The Book of Proverbs chapter 31, written by King Solomon, portrays wives in a way that reveals the range of abilities they are capable of possessing, and all the skills they can have to be transformers in every aspect of family and social life. When a couple come into agreement and begin to understand how they can support each other in God’s plan for marriage, amazing things can be achieved. The wife of Proverbs 31 has no fear of hard work; has a caring attitude of service, with a strong awareness of business opportunities, industry and management. The things she does and the love with which she does them is a flag of honour and a source of prosperity to her husband, her children, her community and herself. She represents the breadth of a wife’s potential.

Who could ever find a wife like this one—
she is a woman of strength and mighty valor!
She’s full of wealth and wisdom.
The price paid for her was greater than many jewels.
Her husband has entrusted his heart to her,
for she brings him the rich spoils of victory.
All throughout her life she brings him what is good and not evil.

Proverbs 31: 10-12 (TPT)

We would recommend reading the passage in full - Proverbs 31:10-31.

What about Children?

We said earlier that the role of a wife is not clearly defined. This is because the practical tasks and responsibilities couples assign to themselves are working roles defined within the relationship. This is different to the role assigned by God to husbands which is not negotiable. There is the matter of children who clearly have to be borne by the wife. We can say that where children are a part of the relationship, a wife has a unique role. This is undeniable, however, beware of assuming that because childbearing is a woman’s role, that childcare and management is also automatically her exclusive responsibility. Husbands, you are also responsible for the children. Having said that, let wisdom manage your agreement with your wife.

If it’s not Working!

Many may wonder whether these ideas about roles and cooperation are possible in the ‘real world’. The answer is yes, it is possible because it’s God’s Plan. If it’s not working, and you are a Christian couple who believe in the faithfulness of God, then get aggressive in your pursuit of what God has for you. We are writing these articles not on the basis that we are the perfect couple, because such a couple does not exist. We are writing as a couple who have made all the mistakes we have described in our blogs and have worked to learn and improve. It has taken us time to wrap our heads around how we work to complement each other. Occasionally we still make mistakes. We present to you what is possible with God’s help.

We have talked much about husbands in the last blog, but one of the biggest issues is what we would call ‘throwing down and taking up’. When a husband throws down his responsibility the wife has to pick it up. This leads to disharmony, disagreement and lack of cooperation. Husband, if you are reading this and that’s you - wake up! Get up and respect your wife. Wives, if you are living with a husband who has abandoned his role to you, then respectfully challenge him. Do not simply take up his role without doing your best to encourage your husband to fulfil it. For single parents, it is necessary for the one parent to act out the completeness of God’s Plan in themselves to maintain the family, but not where a couple is supposed to be working in unison within their marriage. Fortunately, in all situations, where we need ‘support’, the Holy Spirit is close. Nonetheless, couples start working together and get into sync with God’s plan. This lack of understanding concerning roles is often a situation that just needs explanation and someone who can enrich your marriage with wisdom. Since God loves to use people, ask Him and He can lead you to mature people who can help. Among all the challenges we see in marriages, these are two that cause much frustration - role abandonment and role substitution.

Conclusion:

God formulates plans for a reason - they work, and they bring fullness. Our prayer for everyone reading this is that true love and affection will rule over your marriage and that you would be devoted to each other, desiring always the best for your spouse. Wives, you have always been in a prominent position. You are a guardian of God’s plan for your marriage covenant. With devotion and sensitivity, alongside your husband, work to ensure God’s plan is being played out in your relationship.

You are truly worthy of your husband’s greatest respect.

Her sons and daughters arise in one accord to extol her virtues,
and her husband arises to speak of her in glowing terms.

Proverbs 31:28 (TPT)

A few examples of the use of the Hebrew ‘ezer’ to identify the Lord as our help. Psalm 33:20, Psalm 70:5, Psalm 115:9-11, Psalm 121:1-2, Deuteronomy 33:29

Steve and Khanya.

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Thank you for reading and join us soon for the next blog: The Vow and The Promise