What Responsibility Looks Like
Husbands have the obligation of loving and caring for their wives the same way they love and care for their own bodies, for to love your wife is to love your own self.
Ephesians 5:28 (TPT)
Introduction:
In this second blog in our Roles in Marriage series, we continue to focus on husbands and the key tasks assigned to them in God’s plan for marriage. The emphasis on the role of husbands is a deliberate attempt on our part to redress the imbalance in the conversation and assumptions around this topic. The truth is, God’s Word says very little about the role of wives, but far more about husbands. There has been such a focus around the expectations of a wife in marriage that the message and instructions for husbands have been somewhat side-lined and ignored.
Before we begin:
The whole topic around roles brings to the fore many of the key points addressed in previous blogs. We would encourage the reader to look at the previous blog as a prelude to this one. ‘Is there a Joseph in the house’. This is the first in the roles in marriage series and will help put today’s topic in context. We would also encourage readers to review all the blog articles if you can, because key messages now dovetail through the teachings. We may write things in topics, but of course in real life, everything is happening at the same time.
What is the nature of the husband’s role?
The Bible is pretty clear about the expectation of husbands:
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
Ephesians 5:23 (NASB)
Headship requires a husband to lead his wife and family, but also look to Christ who is head over them for help and the equipping to accomplish this role. This leadership role for husbands should never be confused with worldly viewpoints about managers who act as ‘bosses’. In fairness, men have long used their physical advantage as a tool of oppression over women. Some more shockingly have even tried to use scripture to justify such dominance, yet this has never been God’s plan at all. Let us quote from a previous blog, to clarify for everyone what God’s view of this leadership role in marriage really looks like:
Some might say that the Bible talks about roles - assigning women as ‘helpers’ and men as family ‘heads’ and that this indicates inequality. Certainly not. Perhaps the reason why people get upset with roles in God’s Word is simply because we view things from a worldly rather than a spiritual perspective. In the world, status is applied based upon your position, your job, your wealth or your social influence, and we are deemed to be more important, more significant and more valuable based upon things that give us power over others. In the same fashion, we look at ‘helpers’ and ‘headship’ and place a level of power and control on these terms in line with the worldly interpretation. This is not God’s interpretation. God has no favourites. The roles He describes are not roles of power and control - they are roles of sacrifice and service.
An excerpt from: Male and Female - true equals in heaven and on earth
In God’s plan for marriage, the husband’s role is all about service and responsibility. If you are a leader serving the needs of your wife and family you are responsible for everything - yes, everything, and therefore accountable for everything:
And to the husbands, you are to demonstrate love for your wives with the same tender devotion that Christ demonstrated to us, his bride. For he died for us, sacrificing himself to make us holy and pure, cleansing us through the showering of the pure water of the Word of God.
Ephesians 5:25-26 (TPT)
The expectation of husbands is simple in concept but challenging in practice - that they should look to Christ to whom they are accountable for the wisdom and revelation they need to be a servant leader and imitate the sacrifice Christ made for us. Wives, it is time to do one of two things; either to give thanks for (and to) the husband who treats you with love and respect, knowing the depth of his sacrifice for you, or its time to start interceding for him so that you ask God to be a revelation to him and equip him to be a husband after the likeness of Christ. When a husband is sacrificing selfish ambition to honour his wife, then the wife need only react in gratitude and praise. Would you not be devoted to the man who is demonstrating a love for you that is as great or perhaps greater than his love for himself?
However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].
Ephesians 5:33 (AMP)
The Practice of Headship:
Being ‘head’ does not mean that you make all the decisions. The true expectation of headship is that as a couple you cooperate with each other, you discuss, you plan, you decide together. You will determine together which of you is most capable of taking a lead in the various things of life and practical tasks that the family needs; whether that be earning money, maintenance, looking after children or dealing with finances. Your aim should always be to come into agreement. If you have travelled the journey of ‘leaving self’ behind and if you are committed to the interests of your spouse, you can and will find it easy to come into agreement. Headship on the part of a husband is about being responsible for making sure that the plans that you have discussed and the actions you have agreed on together actually happen. You have spent time together talking, dreaming and planning the way ahead - now keep the momentum and follow-up. Husbands, over to you to initiate support, encourage your spouse, and get active. It’s time to step up and be front and centre. Make sure that whatever tasks you personally have agreed to do are done promptly and to your very best ability as an example of excellence to your spouse and family. Go before the one who is head over you, Christ himself so that every need you, your wife and your family has is supplied. A husband cannot meet every provision needed for the family and its destiny, but he can ask of it from Christ who is more than able. Husband, your headship is both physical and spiritual, so initiate prayer and praise, bless your spouse and children - don’t leave your wife to do this alone - it is your job to initiate and promote both the spiritual, and natural life of your family.
It’s not Working:
In many families there is a very different scenario to the ideal we have just described. Husbands too often fail to see the importance of a leadership role, or have taken up one of two viewpoints: either that responsibility can be shared equally, or that it doesn’t matter and I can just hand everything over to my wife. If you are a Christian husband you have misunderstood God’s intent. If your wife seems eager to take control, perhaps its because she sees a need you are not seeing, and feels she has to take over for the sake of the family. Yes, you can decide on different practical responsibilities between you in the conduct of family life, but you cannot as a Christian husband transfer your overall responsibility and accountability to your wife. Husbands, it’s time to get more active God is not asking your wife for an account - he will ask you!
Getting this right truly transforms your relationship with each other and with God, but the success of marital roles is dependent on following the principles we have already written about concerning the steps to oneness and to positive communication. Wives, please encourage your husbands to fulfill their role and resist the temptation to simply assume their role for them. Your relationship will be greatly blessed when your husband is standing as a champion.
About the videos:
We have included two videos below. We encourage husbands and wives (we really urge you) to listen to the song and after listening to the song listen to the story behind it. We believe they will impact many.
Steve and Khanya
Please share using the social icons at the end of the blog page or copy the page address and message it. There are lots of husbands who need to read.
Join us for our next blog teaching: A True Helper
Enjoy the videos: