A Deeper Love

This is a continuation of our teaching on the marriage journey. As a prelude to this blog we suggest you read ‘The Journey Begins’ and ‘An Opportunity for Self Destruction’. These will help put today’s teaching - A Deeper Love into perspective.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24 (NASB)

What is Being Joined?

We travel through the leaving stage of our marriage learning how to give of ourselves, how to share and communicate, and as we grow we put aside selfish ambition in order to love and serve each other. It’s a process that diminishes self interest as we are transformed by a shifting of our focus toward the needs of our spouse. The ‘US’ identity begins to emerge and we bond together becoming ‘joined’. Some Bible versions use the word ‘cleave’ to describe this bonding process. This is a good word to express the kind of joining that takes place. It refers to something we would describe as being super-glued, a bond not easily broken. We love the superglue image because it really begins to convey the message that the process of oneness is underway.

A Deeper Love

The diminishing of self allows the rise of a deeper love as this bonding grows. During the leaving stage the connection is still primarily based on erotic love. This is a powerful thing, a fiery passion - a part of God’s design to bring us together and start the process of growth. As we continue the journey, overcoming challenges and building our goal together, erotic love is superseded by a love that is still full of passion but not so easily swayed by conditions and circumstances. As we navigate through the leaving process our experiences help us to fasten our love firmly upon each other. This deeper love becomes a reflection of the love that Jesus displayed for us - a sacrificial love.

It is difficult sometimes to convey in words a true sense of this shift in the level of a couples’ relationship. We are trying to do so although God’s Word communicates it far better:

“My darling bride, my private paradise,
    fastened to my heart.
    A secret spring are you that no one else can have—
    my bubbling fountain hidden from public view.
    What a perfect partner to me now that I have you.”

Song of Songs 4:12 (TPT)

Being joined represents a major transformation in our relationship. It does not mean we have suddenly become a couple that has the same character, interests and emotions. Joining is not cloning. Self has not gone away, we still have to manage self and control it because we remain with free will, but it has become easier to do because our focus is now firmly set. We are still two unique individuals, but we have adopted a new covenant identity together. We learn how to serve and how to come into agreement with each other. We learn how to use our differences to complement each other. We are compatible because we are able to submit to one another in love. Even when we have different ideas about the route, we always have the same goal. We are still subject to the storms of life, but we are better able to stay afloat. We recognise that at times we may fail each other but nonetheless, we continue to make the choice to love without condition.

Going for Oneness

As our bond strengthens, we are going for the prize. In this pursuit of oneness our ambition is more than we can express. Oneness consumes; it is all knowing, all caring, all forgiving. It remains joyful, always seeking growth. Most important of all - in the midst of fire it stands.

Is this for Me?

Everyone who earnestly works to achieve a prosperous marriage will receive help from God. If both of you are willing, God’s plan can be achieved in your relationship. If you have any concern about the effort that may be required, consider the cost of the alternative. We would urge every reader to actively involve God in their relationship. He is your ever present help and He is on the side of everyone who desires to fulfill their marriage contract.

Conclusion - The Journey

We hope you have been encouraged by the marriage journey series. We are still on this journey. In this life we will seek growth and there will always be new opportunities to deepen our bond. As we follow His plan, God is glorified and He is well pleased. We are becoming one and imitating God in our love for each other and our bond with each other. We are delighted to be able to share these messages that are a testimony of His goodness to us.

We invite you to share this message with others who may be encouraged.

We will continue with our next blog series shortly on the topic - Communication in Marriage.

Steve and Khanya