Marriage and Money
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Men prepare a meal for enjoyment, and wine makes life merry, and money is the answer to everything.
Ecclesiastes 10:19 (NASB)
Introduction:
Money management impacts relationship irrespective of whether people have a lot of money or little. How we use and cooperate with money is hugely significant. When we get married, we need to learn how to work with our joint resources as we move from being two sole traders to being 50/50 partners, and we prosper when we get it right.
Biblical view of money?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with money – it’s a good thing - it makes the world go around. Money is not the root of evil and there is no such statement in the Bible. What it does say is that a man’s overwhelming desire for money is a source of harmful outcomes (1 Timothy 6:9-10). It drives people to put things like relationship building several places down their list of priorities in order to focus on a craving for more wealth. If money lust holds us in the grip of selfish ambition, then love, respect and honour for our spouse is diminished and our love journey is under attack. So, we have to learn quickly how to develop cooperative building and sharing to ensure that money becomes simply a tool for building our marriage and family and not a snare that removes our focus from the commitments we make to each other in covenant.
In our marriage we cooperate:
Finance can be a difficult area of cooperation. We see this in a variety of attitudes to gaining, using and managing money. We have come across engaged couples who have not considered how they will manage their money, and we have seen married couples who treat the money they earn as their own, and operate on a limited agreement to pay the bills. They treat money like singles in a house share. Let our love and commitment to each other shape our approach to money, so that it becomes a tool to promote us. Christian marriage is a journey that moves us away from the self-promoting attitude of the single life toward oneness in sharing ourselves and developing an ‘US’ identity. Surely this sharing includes our wealth, but for many, money remains a sticky point of potential disharmony. The first major step in marriage growth is leaving attitudes behind from the single life that would hinder our unity. Many find it hard to relinquish their individual control over money. Our experience with couples leads us to conclude that financial cooperation is one of the hardest things for many couples to achieve.
It’s about coming into agreement:
If we were to summarize this message, we might say that a couple’s success in financial cooperation is based upon each spouse’s ability to stop seeking wealth for themselves and rather seek to give their financial resource to each other. In simple terms, empty the ‘my’ account and surrender your financial increase into the ‘our’ account where you both come into agreement on its use. It sounds simple, but if letting go is proving tough you need to stop justifying your position and consider what’s holding you back. Holding onto money is holding onto independence and self. It’s a battle you need to overcome to fulfill your marital commitment and develop a sharing mindset.
Agreement is the start point. It doesn’t mean you have to convene a special meeting to agree on how to spend every dollar, nor does it mean a lack of personal freedom. Agree on the recurring expenses, but also agree on an acceptable level of personal money that you can use freely. This is always important! There are many different models of money management and you simply need to agree on a plan that suits both of you, but whatever the model, everyone needs to be able to buy personal things without overwhelming accountability. Sometimes couples make a mistake by being too controlling - setting rules, budgets and boundaries that will probably get broken. Come up with a plan that will make the most of all your wealth but not force either spouse to be frustrated.
When giving money to other people, including relatives, make decisions together. Even when you feel certain your spouse would agree, don’t go ahead on your own - talk to each other. We cannot stress how important this is. Harmony is maintained through your commitment to honouring each other.
Work, work and more work
A common issue in relationship growth is one where a spouse is desperate for more time with their husband or wife. The issue often centres around work commitments and long working hours. There are seasons and situations that demand long hours to meet family needs, but for some, it’s not really about necessity, it’s about wealth increase. There is nothing wrong with material prosperity as long as making more money doesn’t become a barrier to the need for time together to build relationship. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is time.
Giving is a Kingdom principle:
We want to encourage you to think about agreeing on giving financially, whether to people who need help, good causes or tithing. Being givers and being generous is not only about doing a good thing, it brings its own reward to your relationship, protects against selfish desires and brings blessing. Don’t make the mistake of replacing any original self-centered craving for money with a joint lust for it as a couple. A giving heart will guard you both against that, and release joy and promotion in your life-long adventure.
Conclusion:
As always, we speak from personal experience and from the testimony of couples who have spent time with us. We hope you have found something of value - an encouragement.
Join us in our next blog - a short interview in video format. Honour and Obedience. As usual we will keep you posted on the website.
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Steve and Khanya