Marriage and the Battleground-Part Two

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Your hand-to-hand combat is not with human beings, but with the highest principalities and authorities operating in rebellion under the heavenly realms. For they are a powerful class of demon-gods and evil spirits that hold this dark world in bondage.

Ephesians 6:12 (TPT)

Introduction:

This blog is Part Two of the two-part series on Marriage and the Battleground. This final section of the teaching has its focus on the battle itself and how you can engage and overcome. This is a continuation from Part One.

The Battle:

If your marriage needs more growth and unity then it’s time to act. Most couples we meet in times of challenge or stagnation have ‘forgotten’ who they are in Christ, or are simply at different levels in their revelation and journey with Christ. Most common is where one [or both spouses] is still learning and not yet filled with the revelation of God’s plan for marriage and their role in bringing unity and prosperity. It’s time to enter the battlefield. The spiritual battle is the Lord’s, but you have to engage yourself. Here is a foundation key in spiritual warfare - Pray for yourself, your spouse and your family - seek the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and revelation for you as a couple. If your spouse is willing, then you do this together, but even if your spouse is not, you do it in agreement with the spirit. Remember that your covenant is three - you, your spouse and God himself.

Humble yourself:

In prayer, ask first that you would be renewed and that you would see your spouse as God sees him or her. Allow yourself to be humbled and transformed before you start making demands of God on behalf of your spouse. Pray that you would have a heart to accept your marriage relationship on God’s terms rather than your own. Surrender you own self-interest as you intercede for your husband or wife and war against every invasion of pride that rears in ugliness to divide you. At all costs avoid making judgements - when you place yourself as judge you resist the Holy Spirit. Your genuine humility and surrender are keys because they attract the Holy Spirit.

Worship:

Here is another foundational key - Worship wins many battles. Whether in song, praise, praying in the spirit or resting in contemplation, worship builds faith, it brings submission. Worship opens the door to receive truth, conviction and encouragement. We cannot underestimate the importance of worship. It breaks chains, it invites the presence of the Holy Spirit. In times of difficulty, it may seem the last thing your flesh desires to do, but when you don’t know what to do, how to approach your spouse or what to say - worship!

Disarm the conflict:

Remember that the enemy desires that conflict will be magnified and grow in intensity with toxic emotions and destructive words that may even escalate to destructive actions. Never underestimate the power of self to desire and demand instant satisfaction. In a very practical way, you can identify the triggers in your spouse and yourself to avoid them. With experience, we learn quickly those things likely to cause negative responses. This is by no means a suggestion that avoidance is a solution. However, identifying triggers, is a key step to working together as a couple to address them and overcome them. The root of most triggers involves either selfishness and pride, or anger and resentment. The best way to prevent or limit conflict is to refuse offense and reject any desire to respond to your spouse in a manner that is not worthy of a son or daughter of the King of Glory. Defuse anger with love!

Respond gently when you are confronted and you’ll defuse the rage of another.

Proverbs 15:1[a] (TPT)

When you speak healing words,
you offer others fruit from the tree of life.

Proverbs 15:4[a] (TPT)

Don’t dismiss the little foxes:

Please don’t imagine that we are referring only to ‘major incidents’ when we talk about conflict. It is easy for people to dismiss conflict as something that would never apply to them and their marriage. Small things can grow within us to disrupt and poison. Even casual comments that evoke no immediate outburst can be received negatively and fester. Equally, we all need to learn the secret of disarming every challenge to our affection. Refuse to be offended because growing anger and resentment is a barrier to the growth of relationship - a slow poison. And yes - you can refuse offense because it is a symptom of pride and self-interest. It’s not easy, but it is the fruit of the spirit that we gain by the practice of submission and by the lessons we learn on the journey.

Don’t ignore the small issues. Both of us in the relationship need to recognise how we can unintentionally cause hurt. The discussion still needs to take place. We need to learn and share together so there is no place for self to hide. Ignoring things allows the enemy a foothold as forgiveness is denied. Forgiveness has to be spoken out from a decision we make in humility - it is not something that can be finalised as thought or emotion in our head. Forgiveness needs to reign in our marriage as a shared response so that we are free to move forward. How the enemy hates forgiveness.

It’s not always about a conflict:

Sometimes our lack of growth or tension stems from our reactions to outside factors. It may seem as if everything is fine - there is no conflict, but we are stuck. Could it be that everyday things; work issues, your environment, your health, are causing you to remove the focus away from each other. Are you still very much in love, but starting to lessen in intensity in your desire for oneness? Are the pressures of raising children separating you emotionally? All this is still very much a part of the battle, but here, conflict is replaced by the circumstances around us to cause a slow detachment and separation. Individually and as a couple you need to challenge yourselves and each other in a positive way to see that every scenario in your life together - within and without is about ‘US’. We pray together and tackle life together.

Conclusion:

Make it your ambition as a couple to provoke the world to jealousy. Let your witness of a Christ-filled marriage reveal the joy that everyone who has married for love desires. We need to guard our marriage, and one of the best ways to do so is to learn the keys to victory even before the battle begins. If you are a Christian couple trusting in the power of the cross, then even when challenge comes, you have every weapon you need to be overcomers. Submit to each other and seek God’s intervention for transformation. When you apply keys to spiritual warfare and any instruction of the Holy Spirit, you unleash the host of heaven against every force of opposition that seeks to divide you. If you seem to be fighting alone and your spouse is angry and not working with you or simply lacking faith and confidence, take heart - you are not alone and you are certainly not powerless.

Be encouraged. May you be overwhelmed when you taste victory and are bathed in the joy of the Holy Spirit.

Steve and Khanya

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