Marriages are under attack
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The thief’s purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.
John 10:10 (TLB)
We have had meetings with many couples looking for help to resolve their relationship struggles. Each couple having tried to work things out together but unable to come to a positive or a lasting solution, and so they look for help to resolve their conflict. Seeing couples bleeding and in pain is always difficult for us, especially when we see how the enemy has moved in and settled in – a thief with a single purpose – to kill and destroy. The reason for this message is to reveal simple truths in the hope that when challenge arrives, we will arrest ourselves before we allow anger to control and consume us. Are you aware of the ‘thief’ and his ambition for destruction? If not, let us make it clear - Satan is always active in his opposition to relationships, and the marriage covenant is a primary target because united couples build families who witness and demonstrate the favour of God and prosper in it, having the fullness of life.
The enemy has long lost his power over those who are in Christ. The death and resurrection of Jesus stripped Satan of all his spiritual authority and power (Colossians 2:15). So, he may have lost every claim to ownership over you, and he is helpless to prevent your heaven-bound destiny that is assured by the grace of God, but he can try to influence how you relate to your spouse and interfere with your family life. He will try to steal your glowing witness of resurrection life and make you ineffective, joyless, and small in your own eyes.
Because of the victory at calvary, the enemy has limited methods to employ against you. The most prominent involves the same technique he used in the Garden of Eden before the fall – deception. Adam and Eve were without sin and the enemy had absolutely no power over them, he was like a mouse facing the mountain of God’s favour and power. We believe Adam and Eve could have dismissed this enemy with a word, brushed Satan aside, but deception brought about chaos and a different destiny. For those in Christ today we face something similar. If the enemy cannot wield power over you (and he cannot), he will try and move you to inflict pain on each other. He will try to ignite self-interest, leading to negative words and actions that will cause conflict between you. This powerless mouse can begin a process of destruction. He tricks you into seeing your spouse as the enemy, and you attack each other.
We must embrace the benefit of fellowship with the Holy Spirit. Every Christian can be transformed through a close and growing relationship with the Holy Spirit who reveals truth and exposes falsehood. Jesus describes Him as a helper and teacher, the comforter (John 14:26). As a married couple we need to develop our spiritual life, as individuals and together as a couple in covenant relationship. When we neglect the Holy Spirit, we continue to behave as those who are dominated by ‘self-ambition’, and we are far more likely to fall victim to deception. Among the many things that characterise the dangers of selfish attitudes are these negative things described by Paul in his letter to the Galatian church. These illustrate many of the causes of our conflict.
...chasing after things instead of God, manipulating others, hatred of those who get in your way, senseless arguments, resentment when others are favored, temper tantrums, angry quarrels, only thinking of yourself, being in love with your own opinions...
Galatians 5:20 (TPT)
Do we want something better? Absolutely we do. We win when we invite the spirit of truth to expose and heal every falsehood and every wound. The enemy is small, far smaller than most have imagined. He tries to cast a big shadow, but truth is exposed as we swipe away that web of deceit that is blurring our vision. Indeed, that is all it is - a thin veil, and behind it is a dethroned enemy full of deceit. Why would we - children of the King of Kings, use our authority to attack each other when we have all we need to build a witness of unity and cooperation?
Here then is a better result for those who can develop the good and beautiful in their relationship as they work to serve each other rather than to ‘win’ an argument and feel self-satisfied. Paul expresses this to the church in Rome:
I’m so happy when I think of you, because everyone knows the testimony of your deep commitment of faith. So I want you to become scholars of all that is good and beautiful, and stay pure and innocent when it comes to evil. And the God of peace will swiftly pound Satan to a pulp under your feet! And the wonderful favor of our Lord Jesus will surround you.
Romans 16:19-20 (TPT)
We can work daily to build a better identity together so the old self-life can be abandoned. We can train ourselves to cooperate with each other to recognise who the real enemy is. Then, aware of the schemes of our enemy, together we can agree to ask the King to pound that enemy to jelly beneath our feet.
We hope you have been encouraged, knowing a champion is ready to tear down every deceit on your behalf.
We understand that the enemy will use elements of our self-life as a focus point for defensive, and often angry responses toward each other. Becoming united in our covenant marriage needs us to overcome this and build a new identity together. There are many blogs available on this website that can help you. If you go to the main blog page and type self into the search bar, you will find some of the most relevant. You will also find a free, couples study with discussion questions that you can download from our support page.
Steve and Khanya