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All of us crave affirmation - It increases confidence, builds relationship and strengthens our identity. Relationship is so much a part of our DNA that children step into seeking affirmation naturally from birth. Perhaps for most parents it is more obviously recognised at the toddler stage. This is when young ones begin to develop more independence yet are still firmly dependent on the close connection and support of parents and siblings. If you are already a parent, you will in whatever language be familiar with the call-out

‘Daddy, daddy look at me’ (or mummy of course).

Timon was a father on a mission. His mission was driven in part by a need to be recognised and affirmed as a skilled worker, a successful manager and performance leader. His wife Patricia was a dynamic businesswoman and busy growing her project. Both were working hard for goals on which they both agreed – private education for the children and a comfortable lifestyle with all those necessary material things that only money could buy.

Simeon was four years old and loved most things except bedtime of course. On this particular afternoon, his mother was at the store, his sister was yet to come home from dance class, and his father was in his home office busy on the spreadsheet. Simeon had happily continued to work on the drawing and colouring he had begun at nursery. Rather pleased at his progress, he ran into the office, face beaming and with his rather large piece of drawing paper in tow:

“Daddy look, daddy, daddy look!” exclaimed Simeon in his loudest ever excited voice.

“Not now Simeon, daddy is busy. Go and play.”

Simeon has a sad face as he turns and leaves, not that Timon has noticed since his eyes have not left the laptop screen. Later after work, Timon goes to the playroom where Simeon has just finished adding his last touch to the drawing. He asks him about his colourful image. Simeon explains that this is the house and his family, including Jumbo the dog, who appears as his name suggests rather larger than Simeon’s mum and his sister. All of them are standing in front of the ever so wonky house, side by side except for Simeon who is sitting on Jumbo. Every detail beautifully highlighted in true four-year-old styling.

“Where’s daddy” says Timon.

“He’s not here” comes the reply.

“So where is he?” Timon waits, anticipating the answer and expecting to hear that the drawing is not finished yet. The answer he gets is far from his expectation.

“Oh! He is in his computer,” declares Simeon.

Providing for a growing family can create a busy schedule, but we cannot brush children aside whenever it is inconvenient. For our older children in double digits, it is perhaps easier to show them you recognise their need for your attention, but that you need a few minutes to finish your immediate task. Of course you still need to stop, turn from that screen and acknowledge them. And, when you say a few minutes be sure to keep to your word and then give them some attention. Young ones like Simeon seem ever so demanding and ignoring them does not help either of you. Young children cannot understand your work, your need, your situation, so do not expect them to sympathise with your busyness. They need your affirmation. They need to be seen and heard - to be recognised, shown love, and given warmth in your smile. They need to connect with you, to feel secure. Your child needs your focused connection. For most children of Simeon’s age, five minutes of your time may well be all that is needed. Once given that little piece of your undivided attention, your young one may happily run off and play with their emotional tank filled, and you can continue to crunch the numbers on the screen and make an impressive appearance in the family drawing.

Children are God’s love-gift; they are heaven’s generous reward.

Psalm 127:3 (TPT)

May God bless you as you build and affirm your family. May you be a living witness and example that future generations follow.

Parents remember to affirm each other as well.

Steve and Khanya

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