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At two, Grace was a lively child, full of energy and many questions. She was her parents joy - a longed-for daughter. Her cheeky smile and infectious laugh brought sunshine. Paul and Rose were proud and excited for their future, blessed with a happy and healthy child. They tried to be great role models and understood the importance of affirming Grace and training her in the principles of kindness, helpfulness and discipline. And Grace learned and grew in confidence. At nursery, everyone loved Grace – she gained a new nickname ‘24/7’ because she was always happy, always smiling.

Then something happened! Happy and outgoing Grace suddenly became quiet and withdrawn, teary and unstable. Perhaps you have experienced that feeling of helplessness as a parent or guardian, seeing your toddler unhappy and unable to explain and share with you. How desperate we become; the thoughts and frustrations we have when we go through all the possible causes and when every test and every medical examination comes up negative. When doctors find nothing and we are left with suggestions, with maybe’s and let us try this possible solution, and let’s see if…

Time is passing without answers - fear is fuelled and in the midst of it all we may forget there is a God who loves.

“My strength is found when I wait upon you. Watch over me, God, for you are my mountain fortress; you set me on high! The God of passionate love will meet with me. My God will empower me to rise in triumph over my foes.”

Psalms 59:9-10 TPT

Paul and Rose had travelled through all the steps – all the emotions. Grace was in perfect health physically. Mentally and emotionally there was clearly a problem but framing it and finding the cause was a minefield of possibilities. The strain was showing. Now desperate for an answer, they cried out to God and asked for help. It came in the form of a Christian friend who, after listening to the story was inspired to ask a few questions and suggest a simple solution. Within days the atmosphere had changed, and Grace was smiling again, her confidence evident and growing.

Most parents understand the importance of love and the need to demonstrate this to their children, to give them an environment in which to grow and feel secure, and to build a relationship that is reciprocated. Grace’s parents certainly lavished love upon her, and Grace could not have doubted that love. Paul and Rose believed that this was enough, yet something was missing. Although Grace knew that each parent loved her, what she did not know was whether her parents deeply loved each other. Paul and Rose did not openly show affection toward each other, and the lack was quickly picked up by Grace. Affection is a key element of intimacy that reveals the depth of our relationship and displaying this openly in family life is a positive builder of confidence and security for our children. Holding hands, hugging, laughing together, the affectionate kiss – such unity between parents brings peace and emotional warmth.

Perhaps it was the arrival of the new lounge suite that was the trigger for Grace. The real sign of affection Grace had been witnessing was that her parents would sit together on the old sofa, but with the arrival of the new suite, dad now firmly parked himself in the single recliner. The advice from their friend seemed too simplistic to Paul and Rose, but they followed it. The recliner remained empty, and they started to sit together again. Looking at Grace, they saw a smile that had been missing for weeks.

Parents, love your children, and witness your love for each other openly.

Thank you for joining us. This is the first message in a series on the importance of parental witness in the lives and well-being of our children and family life. We hope you enjoy these messages.

Steve and Khanya

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