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Anger is an emotional response to something that offends you. It is a valid and often necessary response that challenges what is unacceptable within the community. This does not necessarily mean that our anger is always justified, we can misjudge, and we are not in ourselves the source of all that is right. As a principle nonetheless, anger is a worthy response to injustice - It rebukes, and seeks to stop bad behaviour, negative attitudes and bad habits.  Jesus got angry on more than one occasion.  Here is one example from the Gospel of Mark:

Jesus said to the man with the deformed hand, “Come and stand in front of everyone.” Then he turned to his critics and asked, “Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?” But they wouldn’t answer him.

He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, “Hold out your hand.” So the man held out his hand, and it was restored!”

Mark 3:3–5 (NLT):

We see that Jesus was affected and indignant toward the stubborn attitudes of His critics. Jesus showed his indignation on other occasions, directed toward either those who were hard-hearted and unjust, or against the afflictions people were suffering from.  His response was consistent – to rebuke every affliction and heal all who came for help. (Mark 1:40-42)

Anger is a tool against injustice, but it can also be a dangerous thing. We are warned not to hold on to this emotion - to cling to it, because then it can become an enemy that manipulates us:

But don’t let the passion of your emotions lead you to sin! Don’t let anger control you or be fuel for revenge, not for even a day. Don’t give the slanderous accuser, the Devil, an opportunity to manipulate you!’

Ephesians 4:26-27 (TPT)

Throughout the Word of God there is much advice on anger, and we see different types of anger revealed in the way they manifest.

Righteous indignation

The first type of anger is ‘righteous indignation’, and this is the positive anger that we see in the person of Christ, and the manifestation that we should all be engaged in.  It is not abusive, but it is a response that shows our rejection of that which offends God and the principles of justice.  It is an emotional response that is expressed with control and then quickly released and let go, because once the rebuke is made in words or actions its purpose is fulfilled.

Fleshly Anger

When anger leads to ‘rage’, we have moved from the positive to the negative. If your response to offence is to lash out verbally or physically there is nothing in this that is pleasing to God or purposeful to address the wrongdoing. Indeed, the angry outburst may not even be justified as a response to something that is wrongful. It is often a selfish outburst purely responding to something that legitimately challenges you, or something you dislike because it does not feed your self- proclaimed notion of what is right. Such anger often subsides quickly, but in the moments of your angry outburst you will have inflicted emotional damage and perhaps even physical pain.

Stop being angry! Turn from your rage!

Do not lose your temper – it only leads to harm.

Psalm 37:8 (NLT)

If you have been on the receiving end of rage and an uncontrolled temper, you will know how painful this can be. We can testify from personal experience that even a verbal assault from someone who is ‘out of control’ results in emotional pain that is so intense it can also create a physical pain that is totally overwhelming. The angry person may be able to step back into control quickly, and may then be apologetic about the temper, yet you are still bleeding.  There is nothing positive or justifiable in a rage response.

Addiction

As Christians who spend most of our time preparing couples for marriage or couples seeking help to build better relationship, we have always tended to think that negative forms of anger are shown by people who may lack control or have retained too much selfish ambition, but who ultimately want to find a way to escape their anger and overcome it.  We find that whilst this is true of many, for some, anger has developed further to become an addiction. The chemical release in the body during anger and rage becomes a craving, a ‘drug’ that produces an addictive ‘high’.  This is why we are warned not to hold on to anger, not to ‘marinate’ in the emotion, not even for a day. When we do, we find fuel that can feed us with that feeling of satisfaction that takes us down the road of dependence. The person affected by anger addiction may look for offence in the smallest of things. They create circumstances that will feed anger to experience physical and emotional satisfaction. Have you ever wondered why some people are so quick to get upset over the smallest situation and then expand the offence out of all reasonable proportion? The addict is looking for a fix - for the adrenaline, the chemical charge, the feeling of control.  Any kind of uncontrolled anger can easily be a stepping-stone to launch a person into this much more dangerous state, where anger becomes a regular feature. Like other dangerous addictions it tries to hijack part of the person’s true identity, and everyone in relationship or associated with such a person including themselves is at risk. 

The source of strife is found in an angry heart, for sin surrounds the life of a furious man.

Proverbs 29:22 (TPT)

All addictions have consequences. Our opinion is that anger addiction is right up there as one of the most devastating.  Negative anger in every form is a relationship destroyer, a family disintegrator. Why are we writing about this?  The purpose is to help us understand that selfish anger can become an addiction, and that we should guard each other as spouses, family, and friends, ready to tackle negative anger together before it becomes something truly destructive to our marriages and to family life. Righteous indignation is important, but ‘be angry and do not sin’.  We must oppose what is wrong, but not allow anger to become a selfish response.  Watch and pray!

Anger is the problem, not the one who is angry, but if the anger is frequent and if the anger is rage, and if cooperation has broken down, look for help. Anything beyond righteous indignation is a grave danger.

The Holy Spirit of God has sealed you in Jesus Christ until you experience your full salvation. So never grieve the Spirit of God or take for granted his holy influence in your life. Lay aside bitter words, temper tantrums, revenge, profanity, and insults. But instead be kind and affectionate toward one another. Has God graciously forgiven you? Then graciously forgive one another in the depths of Christ’s love.

Ephesians 4: 30-32 (TPT)

Thank you for joining us.

Steve and Khanya