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The Background

We appreciate how much our God loves repetition. As you read His Word you may often wonder at the frequency of a repeated message or instruction. At times we may even skip sections of the Bible to avoid the repeat, yet somehow, we find ourselves either convicted to read it through, or our attempt at avoidance just leads us to a place where we meet the message again, reinforcing the understanding God wants to embed within us. And there is the point of it. He wants to embed it, to plant something and firmly root it in. He knows that repetition is necessary, just as any parent will tell you.  

Since we began writing our teaching articles, a clear pattern of repetition has appeared that is so loud it is unavoidable. It started most notably from the moment we concluded an early teaching called ‘An Opportunity for Self-Destruction' in 2018. This message about transformation and the need to destroy selfishness within a marriage relationship has been repeated often throughout our work. From our own experiences we knew that dealing with ‘self’ was a key to good relationship, because we can never persist with a mind that is set on the single identity when committing to a new life that needs two people to become one. Nonetheless, we remain in awe at the insistence of the Holy Spirit to bring this to the forefront of the topics we have taught.

When a couple works together to achieve unity, they submit to each other in love and encourage each other by learning and sharing. They navigate the rocky places by learning to put each other first and serve. This is very much part of God’s plan and His deep desire for us (Mark 10:7-8). Although many may agree with the message of selfless service and have a willingness to pursue it in their marriage, progress can be slow, and laboured. At times we wonder how, despite the knowledge of God’s purpose we remain for years trying to overcome disagreement, anchored in an unwelcome state where conflict still exists, and self continues to rise up within us demanding attention. We love each other but harmony in many areas seems a distant dream. 

In this message, we are inspired to add to this story with a new perspective. We will shift the focus from the relationship we have with each other to our personal and individual fellowship with Jesus. It is within this intimate relationship with the King of Glory that a spiritual key rests, waiting to be activated and bring new life – something that will allow you to work with your spouse in greater harmony, avoiding many struggles.  

And now please forgive us if we seem to digress a little before getting to the point – we will get there. 

On the Road to Perfection 

Here is a common phrase declared by many - ‘I’m a work in progress.’  In one sense this declaration is undoubtedly true since it must apply to every Christian saved by faith in Jesus. The work of transformation will not be complete for any of us until death brings us to perfection as we exchange mortality for immortality (1 Corinthians 15:52-53). Yet often, the phrase is used to suggest that God is doing the transformation and therefore He decides the pace of it. If it takes a long time to develop a more Christlike character, everyone will just have to be more patient with me. To suggest that I play no part in determining the pace would be incorrect. Our transformation toward the imitation of Christ is very much dependent upon the permission we give Him to work in us. You may have come to salvation, but how much progress you make toward the perfection God wants in you is in part within your control. If you push Him away you have the freedom to do so, but if you allow Him, you will be changed, and you will be changed deeply. 

Quite often as Christians we recognise our weaknesses and look to Jesus to remove those less wholesome aspects of our character.  It might be something that holds us back from being a good witness. If you do allow the Holy Spirit to perform a clean-up, then prepare to be overwhelmed. Do not expect God to move in to fix that addiction problem and then leave satisfied. He may be pleased at your willingness to trust Him to remove that obstruction, but He will continue to address those things you have not recognised. He will move in every part of you, rooting out imperfection, changing you from top to toe leaving nothing untouched, exposing and purifying everything in every part of you. God only does perfect! His purpose is to use you, so that in this life you become a partner with a heart open to receive revelation and understanding. He wants a follower – someone who will bring Him glory and win souls as a faithful witness. 

Please do not assume that because only God can finish and perfect us, we do nothing. He loves our ambition to imitate Him, He delights in it as any parent does when their child tries to do something right and is eager to improve at every attempt. This is partnership in action. 

And to the point... 

How much God delights in the relationship between husband and wife. His desire is for service, and cooperation within this beautiful covenant. Marriage is an image of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:32), and as such, it must be a relationship that is sacrificial in nature. Just as Jesus sacrificed himself to serve His bride the Church, so in the marriage covenant this servant attitude must reign supreme. There is no room for selfish ambition, no place for envy, anger or unforgiveness. If you find it difficult to come to agreement, to partner in cooperation, then look to your own personal relationship with Jesus. Have you given yourself to transformation or are you still resisting the Holy Spirit who wants to work in you to build perfection? If you are resisting, this is an obstruction not only in your own journey of faith, but also to marital harmony. There are things that only God can transform. It is not surprising that some couples still struggle to build a satisfying relationship together when they are trying to change each other or trying to change themselves in their own strength instead of allowing the King permission to do what is best in each of them.  

This then is the key – allow God the freedom to work in you through the power of the Holy Spirit, fully and completely to utterly transform every part of you, building perfection. Then, selfish interest will no longer remain an obstacle to hinder your progress toward the destiny God has for your marriage. 

since you are children of a perfect Father in heaven, you are to be perfect like him. 

Matthew 5:48 (TPT) 

Final Note: 

In this article, we have ventured into the area of personal fellowship with God. It has been an attempt to encourage us all to recognise that in human relationship, trying to transform each other is often a selfish and fruitless exercise. It is better to ask God to work in us, to give Him permission to transform us, because radical change needs a heart willing to submit and allow the Holy Spirit to work. We have focused on marriage, but we are sure you have recognised the importance of the message of transformation as it applies to all of us who declare Christ as Lord whether married or single. Removing imperfection is never painless, but it is essential for everyone who follows the King. 

Now it’s time to be made new by every revelation that’s been given to you. And to be transformed as you embrace the glorious Christ-within as your new life and live in union with him! For God has re-created you all over again in his perfect righteousness, and you now belong to him in the realm of true holiness. 

Ephesians 4:23-24 (TPT) 

We would like to say that some parts of this article relating to our personal walk with Jesus have been much inspired by the writings of C.S.Lewis who has helped us to appreciate the importance of God’s desire for a work of perfection in us. We are grateful for the insights. 

Thank you for reading today. 

Steve and Khanya