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Even when we were dead and doomed in our many sins, he united us into the very life of Christ and saved us by his wonderful grace! He raised us up with Christ the exalted One, and we ascended with him into the glorious perfection and authority of the heavenly realm, for we are now co-seated as one with Christ!

Ephesians 2:5-6 (TPT)

Our teaching blogs are focused on God’s plan for marriage and how to align ourselves to that plan so that relationship can mature and prosper. This has been our mission from the beginning, to help Christians be witnesses with great impact, whose successful growth in marriage and family life is visible, provoking others to jealousy and so building an urgency within people to discover the keys to fruitful relationship. For Christian couples, success in relationships should not be a great struggle - but we face constant challenge as we wrestle with our new life in Christ and the views of the world that dominate the flesh. Today we want to address Christians with our thoughts on how to navigate love and marriage amid the expectations of cultures and traditions.

Culture and Marriage:

Culture and its traditions matter because they impact the institution of marriage. There appear to be two opposing extremes in worldly views on the institution of marriage. At one end of the spectrum is individual freedom to choose a spouse, and at the other end is ‘arranged’ marriages that in extreme cases give individuals no freedom of choice. Between these extremes, there are multitudes of different traditions that have varying impacts on proposed marriage relationships. For the purpose of this blog, we will not comment on arranged marriages or on marriages that are overwhelmingly controlled and determined by local culture. We will focus on Christian marriage and the challenges presented when people’s expectations and traditions step into this scene.

Most Christian couples would assert that their children are free to choose who to spend their lives with based on a love relationship, the sole constraint being a strong desire that their choice is for someone holding the same beliefs and trust in Christ. This would be in line with Christian principles, yet how true is it that Christians follow this route? Many are still bound by human culture and its traditions that influence our personal expectations. The effect is that we enthrone selfish ambition and place limits upon people in their choice of a spouse.

Marrying Well:

Sometimes, when a member of our family is looking to find a spouse, we are encouraged and hopeful for the intervention of the Holy Spirit to guide them to the ‘right’ person. However, we soon begin to sit as a judge over the choices they make. The term ‘marrying well’ comes to mind as an often-used phrase and we add many suffixes to the phrase such as marrying well socially, financially, academically, and in other ways of ‘wellness’ that we value. We have to be careful! In an instant, we can replace our declaration of Christian faith with an intent to follow the confines of man-made traditions and ‘laws’ that come into conflict with God’s word. We move from freedom in Christ to a prison of human expectation. Let us avoid at all costs the desire that seeks to enforce our dream on our children or family members. The search for love is theirs not ours.

Sometimes, the criticism we may have in the choice of a spouse is based on a natural tendency for protection. We desire the very best for a son or daughter, brother or sister as they move into a deeper relationship with someone they love, yet we fear for them and our way of protection becomes criticism simply because their choice is not the same as the person we had imagined for them. In this kind of scenario, our concern comes from love but the consequences are still damaging. Sometimes, judgements are made based on selfish desires as we try to force on a family member our plan and our image of the perfect partner, because it pleases us, suits us, improves our social image and our plans for advancement. In this scenario, we have declared marriage to be a social or business arrangement. Hopefully, this is not a scenario that Christians should find themselves engaged in. Christian marriage is intended as a reflection and imitation of Christ and His church.

Make your Choice:

For someone who is not a Christian, reading this blog may make little sense. The cultural traditions surrounding you must hold sway - your view will be controlled by what you value and what you trust. Yet if you are in Christ you need to make a choice between His Word and the values of worldly expectation. This is not to say that traditions are always negative, in fact many of them are good, but we must weigh them and hold them accountable to a greater authority and a better culture. Where human tradition comes against a choice for love and life guaranteed by God’s Word, traditions and personal ambitions must bow to the King and so we stand upon His Word.

Now, therefore, fear the Lord and serve Him in sincerity and truth; and put away the gods which your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord.

Joshua 24:14 (NASB)

Whether you are a parent, sibling, or the family member searching for a loving spouse, make your choice. Be quick to run to the Word of God for His opinion and instruction.

Conclusion:

It is painful at times to see how some Christian families so quickly forget the one whom they call King in favour of culture that demands actions, rituals and expectations that do not give God the Glory He deserves. It is not only about marriage of course. Christians have to make choices between Christ and the world all the time, but marriage is an event that can bring the conflict between Christian life and worldly expectation into a sharp and intense focus, highlighting that which is good, and that which is valueless in the Kingdom. Let us take care in all our relationships and stand guard against being double-minded. If Christ says ‘love your neighbour’ but your tradition says ‘love the neighbour who is your tribe, your colour or your financial status’, then Christian make your choice. Choose well.

Steve and Khanya

Thank you for reading our blog. Join us again soon. We will announce our next blog in the News section as usual. Enjoy the song.

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