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Do two walk together,
unless they have agreed?

Amos 3:3 (WEB)

Today our focus is on a key element in our walk together - the importance of learning and sharing. We must eagerly pursue more knowledge about each other so that we can relate better, serve better and build each other up. A successful marriage is one where couples move forward in unity and both of us will have much to learn to come to a place of true agreement where we know our spouse’s heart and mind and can bring yourselves into cooperation and partnership.

Our learning journey begins long before marriage. It is in our ongoing conversations, through the friends we meet, the relatives we are introduced to and our observations of character and behaviour, disposition and interests that we build our library of knowledge. We respond to what we receive and when it leads to a desire to spend more time with him or her, attraction builds itself toward affection and affection toward love.

A decision for lifelong partnership in marriage is something bold and such a covenant is worthy of the greatest honour. We make this decision and commitment based upon the knowledge and insight we have gained, believing that our decision is wise. It’s important that you come to that decision based on truthful disclosure. At the beginning of a dating phase, it is not uncommon for people to present the very best of themselves to demonstrate their strengths whilst hiding what they might consider weaknesses, certain habits, or preferences and beliefs, unsure how their date will respond. This cannot last. As you learn to respect and trust each other, so your true character must always be on display. As you begin to discuss a closer relationship and marriage, you need to reveal anything in your past that might impact your future. If you don’t, you may find that past relationships and past lifestyles bring unwelcome revelation in the future and feelings of betrayal.

Most people start to share their ambitions, hopes and dreams long before marriage. It’s so important to have these conversations to question and encourage. If some dating sites are to be believed then the assumption is that you need to have common interests in order to be compatible. We don’t believe that you have to love what the other loves, but what you do need is a depth of love for him or her that leads you to a genuine desire to learn, share and support. When you get married, a metamorphosis takes place. His dream is our dream and her interest is our interest. When she says she wants to learn how to decorate wedding cakes, he searches courses with her and when she receives her certificate, he declares “we have passed!”. The marriage journey is all about discovery and sharing, it is all about ‘US’. If you can’t share, how will you learn to grow together? As the prophet Amos declares in our opening scripture, how will two walk together unless they are in agreement? This is a simple truth - unless you can come into agreement you cannot be joined in unity.

One important area of sharing is your faith. For Christian marriage, there is a distinct advantage to having the same beliefs. You are able to worship with the person you will spend your life with, which is key in building your united identity. Start with building the foundation of joint worship, sharing the word and praying together. Having a marriage altar - a place to share and learn the things of faith together is a great way to move forward in agreement. Study together, ask questions. In this way you not only grow together in faith, but in revelation knowledge. Sharing builds character and identity, it builds trust and knowledge and is important in the bonding process. It’s something you can continue with your children as a family altar. If you are married and you are not learning and sharing your spiritual life, we want to encourage you to do so.

Learning and sharing is all about communication which is the lifeblood of relationship. We need to learn how to develop our verbal and non-verbal communication skills. We must master the art of active listening and timing, and learn how to create the ideal environment for effective communication. We all learn something of these skills over time, but in marriage we have to learn our spouse so well that our communication is aligned perfectly to his or her need and this can only happen when we spend more time actively engaged with each other. If you are a smartphone addict, a workaholic or an entertainment box set devotee, it’s time to reset. A lack of meaningful personal communication is not good for any couple aiming for oneness! Get excited about learning because you will be discovering new things about each other all the time. Thankfully this doesn’t end and it keeps the relationship vibrant. If you are not willing to continue learning and you just abandon the discovery process don’t be surprised when excitement is replaced by dull familiarity.

Under the covenant of marriage, physical intimacy is intended as something very special - an act of worship to God and the unveiling of a deeper intimacy between us. Lovemaking is something that is physical, emotional and spiritual - it involves every part of us and is an act of giving that bonds us in knowledge reserved for us alone, because in physical intimacy we take hold of a part of our spouse that cannot be shared with any other. This is why God designed sex exclusively for marriage - it binds, both physically and spiritually. Within the marriage covenant, sex is excellent, intended for enjoyment and demonstrates God’s amazing gift to us - He includes us as partners in the creative process.

Learning and sharing is not only about building knowledge and understanding - it’s also about service and support. When we practice openness with each other, this also encourages us to build a foundation of lasting trust and honour. We will be able to share not only who we are and what we desire, but also our concerns and our weaknesses. We will be confident, knowing that we will be treated with compassion, faithfulness, and when necessary forgiveness, because true love covers us. In a partnership that is aligned with God’s purpose, each of us will imitate Christ in our relationship and in that there is no fear.

We hope you have enjoyed this blog. We encourage you to read our other blogs and share using direct links or the social icons at the end of the blog page. We are being a witness in our marriage and we are also still learning every day. The beauty of a witness is that it helps others to grasp hold of what is possible.

Join us for the next blog to be announced later in the News section of our website.

Steve and Khanya.