Now when God made a promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater than himself, he swore an oath on his own integrity to keep the promise as sure as God exists! So he said,

“Have no doubt, I promise to bless you over and over,
    and give you a son and multiply you without measure!”

So Abraham waited patiently in faith and succeeded in seeing the promise fulfilled. It is very common for people to swear an oath by something greater than themselves, for the oath will confirm their statements and end all dispute. So in the same way, God wanted to end all doubt and confirm it even more forcefully to those who would inherit his promises. His purpose was unchangeable, so God added his vow to the promise.

Hebrews 6: 13-17 (TPT)

The Wedding Day:

What a very special day! Joy, excitement, anticipation and perhaps a measure of nervousness. It has been in the planning for months and the couple and their families have all been busy in an attempt to produce a spectacle of epic proportions, a monumental drama. From the dress to the first dance and everything in between - it has to be perfect. Most people dream about this day and how wonderful it will be. Even if some would wish for a simpler celebration, there are other people to consider. In the lives of families, marriage is something that just has to be shared and everyone has a part to play. Frustrations may surface and disagreements had, but it’s all part of creating a significant mark in the time-frame of our lives. And so, we prepare our wedding day. Every generation and every nation has its own wedding story. We create a day wrapped in a bubble to celebrate in an atmosphere of joy. On this day, we leave the world and all its cares outside.

In the midst of it all comes a brief formality. In Christian marriage we have the declaration of vows and the signing of the marriage certificate. It is quite a familiar process, but soon over. Many people (if not most) give these formalities little thought; they are often dismissed as just a tradition or a formality to legalise the marriage.

Promises and Vows - Are they Different?

We are always making promises to each other, from simple things like agreeing the time we will meet to talk over coffee, to the more outstanding moments when we promise help in critical situations. The word ‘promise’ may not always be a part of our declaration, but where the intent is, the promise is made nonetheless. It is rare for most of us to pass a single day without making a promise to someone. In our human nature we assign a certain value to our promises. We feel satisfied, even elated when we fulfill our promises, but the value we have applied to the promise also seems to determine how guilty we feel when we break it.

In Christian marriage, the formal ceremony involves the declaration of promises to each other that in total form the ‘marriage contract’. This becomes a legal contract and registered with local authorities as a binding agreement. However, we need to take this further. If we marry in a Christian ceremony, we are making our promises at a higher level - we call them vows. Vows are our declared promises to each other, witnessed not only by those relatives, friends and officials who attend the ceremony, but witnessed also by heaven, and registered in heaven. When we speak those declarations to each other face to face, we are asking God to bear witness and seal our union. Traditions and wording may change over time, but in Christian marriage there are constants. In essence, we agree to a lifelong relationship where we maintain fidelity and where we love, serve, honour and keep each other in all circumstances.

The opening scripture from Hebrews 6:13-17, explains the significance of a vow over a simple promise. God wanted to deliver to Abraham the greatest possible assurance of His promise to bless him, and so, because there was no authority higher, he swore an oath on His own integrity as a vow, in order to express the absolute certainty of His promise to Abraham and his descendants. The writer makes clear that it is common for people to ‘guarantee’ the performance of their promise, swearing an oath by something greater than themselves. In Christian marriage, this is exactly what we are doing - we are swearing an oath, calling on God to deliver greater weight and assurance to the promises we make and to keep us accountable for those promises.

Vows - and the expectation of help

Vows are taken seriously by God. He expects us to keep them. For Christian couples, the vows of marriage have a very positive aspect to them - they hold a key that unlocks a champion. Even if you did not consider their significance when you declared them, the vows still apply and are valid. Is that positive - Yes! God knows that your inclusion of Him in your marriage makes available the help you will need to become all that He has desired for you. Your vows in that brief ceremony are truly significant. Because you involved God, He has become a guardian of your marriage. If you ask Him, He can help you steer through those challenges you face with the world and with each other. Jesus in reference to marriage said:

“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

Matthew 19:6 (NASB)

The warning Jesus made as recorded here in Matthew 19:6 reminds us that it is He who has joined us together and that no-one (including ourselves) should try to separate us. What a defender! When did you last call upon your champion in your struggle to keep those vows or to seek supernatural help when your spouse seems to be lacking strength or resolve?

Accountability is a term that we like to run from. God will remind you, convict you, even rebuke you when you miss the mark and fail to fulfill the vows you make. He does so in His goodness, to call you to account. Grace demands your respect as God directs you to fulfill the declarations you have made to your spouse. If He rebukes you, He is not punishing you - on the contrary, He is trying to prosper you. God will never remove your freedom to choose, and you can choose to ignore Him, but His desire will always be to prosper your marriage. If you break those vows, there are consequences. In the spiritual, your own choice to break the contract limits God’s ability to bless you since you are removing yourself from a position of favour. Don’t be surprised at a rebuke, and don’t be surprised that your spouse may be calling for help! In the natural, there are also very practical consequences when vows are broken that may lead to pain for everyone.

God hates divorce:

“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong and violence,” says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore keep watch on your spirit, so that you do not deal treacherously [with your wife].”

Malachi 2:16 (AMP)

God is all about relationship - He created marriage so that we would be image bearers of a God who is in Himself the very essence of ‘relationship’. Is it surprising that He stands firmly against separation? He wants to help you build your union, but both husband and wife need to surrender to the accountability of a loving God.

For some of you who are reading this blog post today and who are already married, this may be God’s appointment to arrest you and ask you to reflect on the true significance of your wedding day. The dress and the drama fade away, but your vows remain. For those of you waiting for marriage, prepare yourself for the significance of that day, so that you are steadfast and assured of God’s banner over you.

Enjoy the wedding, it’s a time to rejoice! During the ceremony when your vows are made, remember that they are far greater than simple promises - they are declarations of worship to a mighty champion.

Steve and Khanya

Join us again for another blog soon: Never Forget Your Love