Very Different Indeed
Always give thanks to Father God for every person he brings into your life in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. And out of your reverence for Christ be supportive of each other in love.
Ephesians 5:20-21 (TPT)
Clearly men and women are very different. Sometimes the differences cause such strife that harsh words break out as we struggle to come to terms with the character of our spouse. We may even wonder whether our spouse really cares. Many of the differences are in our thought processes and perceptions. God’s intent was to provide differences between men and women that would allow for complimentary partnership. It is important to start seeing the differences as part of God’s design.
Male and female have been created with the fullness of God’s character - each is made in His Image (Genesis 1:26-27 and 5: 1-2). So, whether you are single or married, you still reflect the full character of God. However, it is evident that men and women think and respond very differently to the same situation, communication or need. It seems God has gifted both sexes with certain qualities within His image and character to enable different but complimentary responses. The response or viewpoint that is different acts as a counter balance. It is not intended to offend, it is intended to help couples arrive at a workable solution. Do not let the differences between you aggravate and become a source of distress. Embrace the differences and look at how they may work for you in building your relationship and your family.
Much can change in your relationship because you are open to the idea that the differences between you are positive rather than negative and are intended for good.
Practical examples:
It is difficult to make declarations about men and women and the common differences between them without possible complaint about stereotyping or sexism. It is true that no example would apply universally - everyone is unique. Nonetheless, allow us to give just a few personal examples that apply to our marriage. Maybe you will identify with some of them.
We are not going to do any analysis for you, but as you read through these examples, consider how each of the differences have value and could be used to balance your relationship. Why not talk it through and also look at some of your own unique experiences.
Multi-tasking vs Single focus
I (Steve) disagree strongly with the statement that men are incapable of multi-tasking. I can and do multi-task. However, I recognise that I prefer to focus on one thing at a time. I like to analyse from every angle and consider every pro and con before moving on. Khanya on the other hand seems quite at home doing multiple things and speed seems to be her strength.
Our home was majority female and in various conversations around the table, I often found myself left behind. Having listened to a story being discussed I would finally make my comment only to be greeted by a stunned stare and eruptions of laughter as the girls would tell me they left that conversation minutes ago.
Details vs Brevity
I don’t want you to assume that I am just about speed and Steve is about focus. Yes, I will admit that he has great attention and focus in some things, but I am the Queen of detail. If I talk to my sister on the phone, I can give Steve the full replay of our conversation almost word for word. If he talks to his sister and I ask how she is (and I do have to ask) all I get is - ‘She’s OK’
About light bulbs and thanks for long lasting ones…
My light bulb moment has a lot to do with sudden revelation. I remember in our early days Khanya telling me that a light bulb had blown and my response was ‘I’ll fix it’. Indeed, that was my intention. Nonetheless, my immediate thoughts were on something else I considered more critical. For me, there was enough light still available in the room, the light bulb replacement could wait a while. I have since learnt that when Khanya points out some minor maintenance task the expectation is that it will be dealt with in the next few minutes. The noise of a ladder being dragged along the floor provided the revelation.
Socks and all
When we lived in Africa there was no such thing as credit. You got your salary and it had to last until payday. With four children at school that was always a tight situation. When Khanya said we need to buy numerous items of school uniform - she meant today!
My focus on finance said we did not have the money now. Her caring focus insisted on the needs of the children above every other consideration.
And so…
In all these situations no-one was wrong, just different. We need to look at finding the balanced solution. This requires compromise and a willingness to be supportive in love. Usually, the solutions are not rocket science but communicating together is key. You may be surprised to discover the number of times you could reflect on situations and admit that the approach or opinion of your spouse although quite different to your own was valuable and effective in providing a great counter balance.
Steve and Khanya